This is part of a series called: 10-minute thoughts because I wrote it in that amount of time.
1. (Pick a covert restaurant for taking out your extracurricular girls) Do it close to your house
It wasn’t close. Not even. It was more than a 25-minute drive from your house. You couldn’t abort and sneak out of the bathroom window if you needed to disappear. You couldn’t just hop out and fake that you’re going to the grocery store for something. It simply took too long to get to me. It took too much time to extract yourself from my warm embrace.
2. Stick to women with the same hair type as your woman
You couldn’t get this right either. Of course, I could buy the same hair type as your woman but I wasn’t the one who needed to mask the fact that I was stepping out.
3. Establish the same pet name for all women
Mogz. It’s what you called me. You embedded yourself so deep into my fold that you were privy to calling me what my family did. It was impossible to call me the same name as the others…I wasn’t like the others.
4. Incorporate glitter into your outfits regularly
You shouldn’t do that. It’s not good advice especially since none of your concubines have glitter on their outfits.
5. Change the other girl’s name to a guy’s name in your phone
I called my phone because I had misplaced it at home. I could hear the shrill iphone default ringtone calling me from the living room. Mike. Mike? You couldn’t come up with a better guy’s name than Mike for me? You erased the uniqueness of Immaculate to the mediocre white boy name Mike. I hate you for this.
6. Establish early and often that A. you have lots of friends who are girls. B. you are a busy person
Luckily, you had worked on this lie before we laid eyes on each other. The second lie happens to be the truth because you monopolized your time with me. I was in your head, in your heart, in your school, and in your job. I was in your mouth and hands, and….snuck into every void that went unnoticed before I came into your life.
7. Deny, deny, deny all accusations of cheating
Finally, you followed this fuckboy advice on what to do. You denied. You denied yourself of our involvement. You let me tell you that I loved you and replied with ‘I just can’t choose’. You denied permeating into my soul and settling there. You denied our love so much that you started believing it.
8. Don’t play in your own backyard
Talk about failure. Talk about shitting in your bed and laying in it. For a while there, we were into scat play. We’d happily slide into the shit that we created. You told your friends and family but still tried to keep me at arm’s’ length. We played in our own backyard and put the evidence of your indiscretions out there for everyone to see. Yet, you were still doing a good job at keeping #7. Deny, deny, deny all accusations of cheating.
9. Never accept that an accessory of piece of clothing is your girlfriend’s
Ah yes. My silver stilettos in your trunk. The black hoodie that you borrowed for Halloween. You tried to pin shoes that don’t fit on her?! In a panic, you tried to say that you bought them in a garage sale and thought she’d like them? You quite frankly tried to let her fit into the shoes that I had worn and become comfortable in.
10. Take advantage of her friends’ jealousy
It’s starting to show, sir. You’re happier than you used to be. You’re dressing differently. Your taste buds and food choices are mimicking my own. Her friends start to notice something strange about you. When they brought it up, you simply stated they were jealous. It was brilliant, actually. For once, it was something devious and conniving that made you less desirable but somehow pulled me in closer.
I didn’t enjoy pitting women against each other but I was out for blood. I was going to fight for your heart and was succeeding. I started noticing that you were doing the same things to me. I was in too deep. I realized, too late, that you had started cheating on me with your girlfriend.
The original article that inspired this piece can be found here!