My maternal grandmother Belina Nyamoita Aruya died on August 26th, 2022. She was 107 years old. It was not unexpected. I posted a picture of her shortly after she had transitioned and got a slew of condolences and well wishes. They were much appreciated.
Several people reached out to me via text to offer condolences. The ones I connected to the most were those that went straight to the point. “I saw your post…can I (specific thing) for you/your family?”
The ones I struggle with the most are those that put the onus on me “Please tell me what I can do” or “let me know how I can help.”
I recognize the intention behind these statements and know they are sincere. However, the last thing I need is another thing on the checklist. There were so many decisions we had to make so quickly (who was going to travel from the States to Kenya, when would the burial be, etc) that I think I’m still working on a deficit regarding decision-making. I am tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
The literal last thing I need is to add to a list of decisions to make. If you love me and want to support me, figure out what you are able to do, offer that and I’ll appreciate it.
Please stop demanding even more of my mental space which is a premium. Emotions are on a hair trigger. Small talk is forbidden – DO NOT ASK IF I’M OKAY. I AM NOT. Grief is like that…it’s complicated.